Denied Pain

“Courage is forged in pain, but not in all pain. Pain that is denied or ignored becomes fear or hate.”

 Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness

 I think many of us know the expression, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

As Brené Brown offers in Braving the Wilderness, that expression is sometimes, but not always,true.  Courage can be forged, but fear or hate might be as well.

Too often those in pain try to talk to someone, you, me or another friend, about their pain.  On our best days, we listen.  On our worst, we tell them to be tough and soldier on.  I have, too often, witnessed this danced out with exactly this be tough and soldier on choreography when asked to deal with depression.  Sadly, I have led this dance myself more than once.

A person has a broken ankle and we stop, cast them, operate if necessary and shower them with special care.  A person has a broken heart stemming from life’s pains, and we often, too often in my opinion, tell them to suck it up and drive on.

On forced road marches in the Army, I often heard non-commissioned officers telling soldiers to “take two salt tablets, put your mind in neutral, and drive on.”  It worked.  Often in fact.  Not always.  When I comment that we need to be prepared to listen for the pain, it is the deeper pain that is being denied, or ignored.  That is the type of pain that leads to anger and/or fear.

A powerful, insightful, book I read last year was Hillbilly Elegy.  The author deals well with the deep pain of living in a culture where that pain is denied or ignored.  To re-quote Brown:  “Pain that is denied or ignored becomes fear or hate.”

I think there are movements in this country right now feeding from the trough of denied or ignored pain.  These movements are across our political landscape, and not isolated to any one group.

As preached in Week 2 of the Unafraid series here at Hilltop, how people are often moved to action is through a careful, intentional dose of hatred that is used so stoke the ovens of fear and I used the pre-Civil War Southern press as an example of how this was done.  

What we have too often is a single coin, with two sides:  one side – fear, the other - hatred.  Fear and hatred are two sides of the same coin, minted by those who use that coin to fund and fuel dissension and separation.

We live longer, have less poverty, are better educated, and are generally healthier than at any time in human history.  But still we live so often in fear.  Communities lock down because of a shooting and helicopters fly over our heads shaking us out of a world of confidence into a world beset with basic human fear, and we ask do I face this and rise, or do I flee, and if I do flee, where do I go that is truly safe?

So often FEAR is Forgetting Everything is All Right and that is a basic element of the human condition.  I was told after Week 1 of Unafraid here at Hilltop, there are 365 times we are told to Fear Not in the Bible.

In Romans 5: 3-5 we are told “we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”  Each of us has a role in the steps here from suffering to hope.  Moving from suffering to hope is not a personal, singular journey.  Each of us are potential messengers of the Gospel on this journey.  

Our task, our sacred call, is to listen deeply for the pain in others (or ourselves) and be agents that cause that pain to not be denied or ignored.  Listening to others is important.  Allowing yourself to be supported by others serves to help release that pain.

Sometimes we minister by quietly sitting, quietly listening.

     Sometimes we minister by moving from sitting and listening to rising so that we are instruments of change in a world that might too often be guilty of the charge of not listening for the pain.

          Sometimes, two salt tablets and putting our minds in neutral is not the Christ-like response.  You figure that out by listening, and being open to not believing everything you think.

               Sometimes what doesn’t kill you, makes you meaner or more fearful.  Learn to recognize that in yourself.  Be alert to seeing it in others.

Everyone of those sometimes contains a suggested Christ-like response:  be a friend to those to whom love is a stranger.

Selah

Bishop Karen Oliveto views on the Importance of Statistical Reporting

This is harvested from Bishop Karen Oliveto FaceBook Page of January 25, 2018

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Yes, it is that time of year when pastors are scrambling to get statistical reports done.

Several people have asked why getting the EZRA statistics in on time is important. I put that question to the cabinet as well as to the YAC and RMC treasurers. Here are our answers:

The statistics entered in Ezra provide insight into the health and welfare of the denomination, conference and local churches. It provides data that tells the metric story of UMC ministry. The Ezra data is one way for the cabinet to look through a focused source when evaluating effectiveness, the statistical story of a local church, and outcomes of mission and vision. It is not the only tool for evaluation, but it is a tool that provides the opportunity to study trends, achievements, priorities, outcomes, participation, age level involvement, finances, vitality, concerns and need for intervention. It is one of the ways the UMC understands and tells its story. It serves as a common language for some to communicated connectional ministry.

More specifically:

At the local level:

1) By collecting information for these yearly reports, it can help a pastor focus on opportunities and concerns that can get overlooked by the day-to-day demands of ministry.

2) By sharing them with one’s church leaders, it can help everyone get a better understanding of the health of the church, make course corrections when trends indicate concerns, and celebrate vitality and faithful shared ministry.

At the conference level:

1) The Cabinet uses the EZRA statistics, especially in December when a review of every church is held, as well as during appointment season, to match churches and pastors. While not the only tool used, it helps describe a church’s health as well as future trends, including membership, financial health, commitment to the connection through apportionments, etc. Statistics are not the whole story but are an important part of the story that may reveal opportunities or concerns not immediately apparent from visits or one-on-ones with pastors or leaders.

2) On a wider scale, Cabinet looks for trends in data (growth, decline of a group of churches organized by size, demographics, region) to determine what is needed as far as resourcing to the local church from the conference.

3) In YAC, part of statistics are used for formula determining mission shares every year. Accurate and complete statistics are only way each church is fairly assessed an amount for mission shares. In RMC, wider trends can help forecast expected income which can help with adjusting conference budget accordingly.

4) Not often, but dramatic variance in some statistics can be used as indicator or additional evidence of financial malfeasance/improper use of church funds

5) Presently, data is being used in conversations related to our mission shaped future including considerations for district alignment in future conference.

6) Whether a pastor gets their stats in on time is also an indicator of what kind of church a pastor has the capacity to serve. Administration (or “order”, as our ordination vows describe) is a part of our duties as clergy. However, some churches require more administrative skill than others.

At the General Church Level

1) GCFA uses EZRA data to determine the General Church apportionment amount to allocate to each conference.

2) Statistics are used to understand membership, worship and giving trends, not only at the local church level, but within a jurisdiction and across the denomination. This helps shape general church programming and support.

Timeliness is important because:

1) The tardiness of SOME YAC churches last year set back important work of conference budgeting and assigning of mission share values for future years also slowing down budget work in ALL churches because mission shares amounts could not be released on time.

2) When we don’t get our reports in on time, it costs MORE MONEY, because staff must use their time to follow up with those who haven’t filed. This means time is diverted from other areas of work.

3) It impacts appointments. Because there is no means of reporting important statistics like worship attendance, income and expenses, Cabinet must rely on end of year reports for most up-to-date picture in crucial appointment season. If ALL statistics were in on time (mid-February), Cabinet would have those figures available early in the appointment season for its work

Sandy Swearing-In Remarks

Mayor Elect Bradburn, incoming Council, fellow citizens of Sandy.  

Sixty seven years ago, President Kennedy in his inaugural address talked about a torch being passed.

Today … the torch of governance for nearly 100,000 residents of Utah is to be passed …

Let us be mindful that none of us created that torch but we are stewards, custodians, of that torch, that flame, that light and I believe as faithful stewards we stand on the shoulders of Giants … Giants who displayed courage in the face of adversity and if afraid, fear did not define them. 

Sadly, we have reached a point in this age of information, where we have stopped seeking information from each other, and far too often gravitated into enclaves, fortresses, hideouts, where we only speak to like-minded souls. 

The late Dr. Stephen R. Covey once said:  “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

I think he nailed it – as a general rule, we do not listen to truly understand … and sadly, this is a long-standing issue of the human condition. 

Some three thousand years ago – a scribe of wisdom would write:  "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."

Some two thousand years ago -- Saint Matthew reports the words of Jesus as  -- "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

The brother of Jesus – would say to his flock ‘Know this … let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak’

Some here understand this itinerant troublemaker named Jesus through the lens of a 19^th Century Saint -- Brigham Young.

Brigham Young once offered:  ‘can you think of a better way to entertain someone than to listen?’

I would propose that listening – true listening – wisdom seeking, understanding seeking -- listening -- can take on a sacred, holy element and true listening has been advocated by voices of wisdom to counter our natural human condition to focus on ourselves for three millennia. 

I offer to us gathered here today – all of us gathered here today –that listening is part of how that torch, that flame, that light, I mentioned earlier is nurtured in order to be passed to others behind us …

We are only temporary custodians, of that torch, that flame, that light and to paraphrase Shakespeare -- we – yes we here – we blessed (and happy) few – we band of sisters and brothers -- have a wonderful opportunity to be Giants … Giants who display courage and sacred leadership in the face of adversity. 

A path to Giant-hood is to listen to each other while seeking information. To come out of our enclaves, fortresses, hideouts, into the light of that passed torch, flame, light.  It is a departure from the human condition but then isn’t that departure the essence of being leadership Giants?  

Giants are those who understand through listening and lead us above our human condition.   

Thank you …